Woke up this morning, had a huge fight with S that went for over an hour long. We basically said somethings that we both shouldn't have said, and some really, really hurt. We're good at doing that to each other.

So he made me cry, and I hate that. I hate the fact that he is the only man that has the ability to make me cry, and to cut me deep enough to bleed. That and I hate crying. I feel weak when I cry, and I have always told myself that I will never let a man make me cry, and that man was worth tears.

But obviously this one was, and is.

I ended up going up to Uni, buying my books. I now have all of them except two, because they both weren't in and it doesn't look like they will be for a couple of weeks. So I have to wait for them. Typical.

So anyway I ended up at the gym after that for three hours. Not bad considering I haven't been to the gym in months, but I probably overdid it in the process. It felt good though to do some kickboxing, and then some cardio workout. I really needed it too. It released some anger, and made me realise that I was more hurt than anything, especially considering he told me since he'd met me his whole life had been turned upside down, and that he wished he had never laid eyes on me.

He said a few other things that cut even deeper, but they're not something I wish to divulge to anyone. They opened up scars in me that have taken time to heal, and haven't even properly healed.

That hurt a lot. More than I am willing to even admit to myself.

Admittingly I was more mad with myself for letting him see me cry, or for him making me cry.

I spoke to my dear friend Ana, who made me realise that no matter what I do love him, and that he loves me. He'd have to, to have put up with everything that has happened in our relationship in the past 16 months.

I guess when you love someone, you know what to say to really hurt them, and you do it without giving mich thought to the consequences.

He tried calling me while I was at the gym to apologise, and I hung up on him.

Childish I guess, but I was still angry and still smarting from his words.

But we made up tonight.

I got home and spent some time talking to Ana, and when he came home I sort of figured that if he wanted to make it up to me he could come find me.

I pretty much headed for the shower to think. I've found that I do my best thinking while I'm in the shower. And well he found me. And apologised. Twice in the shower.

We actually had a pretty good talk, and worked everything out.

We've both got this agreement where we never go to bed angry. It's not what we are about, and something that we have never done.

At one stage today I was thinking about getting away for a couple of days, catching up with friends and just being by myself. Going home, or something like that.

But again Ana convinced me it wouldn't be best. Thanks girl, you are a true treasure, and honestly it wouldn't have been comfortable. Things would have just ended up even more stressed between us. I guess I wanted to avoid a confrontation.

Other than that things have been relatively calm tonight. Kathryn is coming down tomorrow, which will be great. I haven't seen her in ages, and she's one of my best friends so catching up and catching up on all the goss will be fantastic.

I still want her and Shan to get together as well, so who knows what will happen there.

Anyway guess that is it for now. I have a pesky guy kissing my neck. A sure indication that he wants me to go to bed.

I need an early night anyway.

J