music: Even Angels fall-Jessica Riddle

S is asleep, and I feel incredibly restless. I knew he was tired, but damn it's not even 10:30 here yet. I'm so god damn restless too. I know what that means. It means that it's almost that time of the month...like it will happen very, very soon. Okay that and those little pills are telling me to expect it sometime soon.

That's fine with me. I want it over and done with already.

But I hate the whole emotional hiccup that comes with it, and I've been getting really emotional lately.

I cried tonight while S and I were making love. I think it freaked him out a little bit. I never cry, let alone during sex. He actually stopped and asked me if something was wrong.

Blah.

I should write more of my novel. I have almost written another chapter, but I don't know if I want to. I should watch tv, or slip in a DVD, but I don't want. I guess this is a nice way of saying that I am actually bored right now.

The house is dead silent. Deadly silent. I hate it when it's this quiet, because frankly it's creepy.

I'm sitting here on the bed, and the only thing I can actually hear apart from the wind is Steven breathing. But hey I guess that's an indication that he's still alive right?

I should call David, but he's probably busy with his girlfriend.

Meh.

I'm just thinking of too many things, and I probably should have a damn well early night. I should, but you know I probably won't.

I did get the chance to change my University timetable a little thank goodness. I changed my 9am tutorial to a 10am tutorial, which is so much better on Thursdays. As that means I go from my history tute straight into my history lecture. Very cool.

It's funny I was going through my stuff tonight, and found a whole heaps of songs I'd written over the years, and there are hundreds, and we are talking hundreds that I have written since S and I met that describe our relationship. I didn't realise he inspired me so much. Scary!

I flipped through them and they described my relationship with him, and how I have felt during the good times and the bad times. It's been interesting to reread them, and smile.

I also went and did a clean up, and ended up pouring over some gorgeous love letters that he's written me. I've kept everything he's given me, and little tokens from our relationship like "Daredevil" movie ticket stubs. Granted we only ever saw 15 minutes of that blasted film, and to this days haven't seen the full version of it. But those ticket stubs are a reminder of our first date.

I wonder do guys ever keep anything to remind themselves of their first date with that special someone, or is it only a female thing? I'm guessing it's probably only a female thing.

I talked to my mum Tuesday night about stuff like that, and she started telling me what my dad was like when they first were married, and how he used to call her everyday whenever he was at work, or something sweet like that.

I just can't imagine my parents being romantic. On rare ocassions my dad and mum will hold hands, and it's just weird. To this day though my dad rings my mum while he's at work just to say hello, and my mum gets up every morning at 6am to have breakfast with my dad before he goes to work. She starts work at 8 or 9am most days so she doesn't need to get up at that time but she does just to spend that wee bit of morning time with him. It's cute, and amazing how people will do things for the people that they love.

I love romance, and it feels weird to think back to that first date. I keep thinking what if I hadn't been in that Journalism class that day, what if our lecturer hadn't told us to 'interview' each other we might never have met.

If I hadn't taken that chance, and said yes to going to see "Daredevil" with him. Granted I did think we were going only as friends.

But isn't it funny how one moment could possibly change everything in your life, and in your future? Scary really.

It's weird to think that I love this man sleeping beside me more than life itself. Weird because 15 months ago I was trying to get over Jase, and then wham I met this guy who completely turned my life and world upside down. It makes me think that you can go through life "loving" people but then wham you meet someone and you really find out what love is all about.

I think I loved Jase, but it was a different kind of love. Jase never made me cry, he never really hurt me. Our relationship was well almost perfect. Except maybe for the whole his deciding to leave to head to L.A to work on a solo album. Okay he asked me, but you know....

Gee, am I glad I said no to that and decided to move down here. If I hadn't....

Our love was so strange. We were so balanced with each other, whereas S and I are tumulteous, passionate and so completely wrong for each other that we are so right. Does that even make sense? We're worlds apart, complete opposites and work so damn well. Freaky really.

You know it's funny it wasn't until I actually saw Brendon hit him during a match that I realised that I loved the big lug. Before then I kept screwing him around, sleeping with him and then saying no let's just be friends...

My best friend ended up telling me that Britney Spear's "oops I did it again" should have been my theme song because of the line "Oops I did it again, made you believe we were more than friends."

Ha, damn straight.

I just think it's funny how relationships work. I guess I am in a contemplating mood at the moment, thinking about how different relationships are to other relationships.

So I've fallen in love with the singer of Sister Hazel. Or more so his voice, since I haven't seen what he looks like nor do I care. I fall in love with voices, and while listening to 10 things I hate about you I heard Your winter by Sister Hazel and fell headfirst into the most gorgeous voice possible.

Go on laugh. I'm strange I know. I don't fall in love with people, I fall in love with their voices. Well except maybe for S. He has the worst singing voice on this earth, but he's a great smile so that makes up for it.

Okay I'm rambling again so I think it's time to either curl up next to this very warm and half naked body or try and finish the chapter of the novel. Believe it or not the novel is becoming appealing. The half naked body can damn well wait.

Besides if I crawl into bed he'll probably wake up and want sex, and well frankly I don't.

J