Kind of scary to see how things change, and how my thoughts are completely different to how they were then.

Jesse...god he was a lifetime ago. We're seriously talking a lifetime ago too. A completely different time and place of my life, Jase was just Jase being wonderful and part of me will always love him and care deeply for him. You never forget the first man you truly ever love, sort of like you never forget the first time you have sex with someone.

And now Steven. Wow it's scary to know that I have loved only three guys. Sure there was Dom, but he doesn't count cause that wasn't love. That was the pressures of being 21, and thinking that it would be cool to be in a serious relationship.

It's just amazing how much my life has changed since I started writing in this diary. I'm doing a completely different degree, moved to another city, and in love with a footballer. Gee, I never saw that one happening.

It's been such an emotional year though too for me with everything happening, and part of me is surprised that I have managed to survive it so well.

I am so behind in my letter writing, so sorry heather but I will write if you are reading this. I've kept meaning to but everything has kept me flat out.

I spoke to my best friend tonight, and it feels like things are getting better between us.

But I also spoke to Lisa tonight, and we've started to become really good friends. I'm so glad. It's so nice to have a female friend that I don't feel in competition with.

And someone that isn't a guy that I can talk to about my relationship.

it's so weird.

My eyes can barely keep open so I am bailing for the night

g'night folks